Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan wedding: Aces & Eights play wedding crashers: January 17, 2013

Brooke Hogan and Bully Ray’s wedding ended in anarchy (as expected). A wrestling wedding can never end in happily ever after — it’s a rule. And you know it’s a real special occasion when Hulk Hogan washes off the shoe polish that’s been on his face since 1997.

Here’s what didn’t happen: Bully didn’t turn on Brooke. Brooke didn’t turn on Bully. Eric Bischoff wasn’t disguised as the minister. Spike Dudley didn’t drop everyone with Acid Drops. Tommy Dreamer didn’t cry. OK, maybe that did happen. Hey, he’s sensitive.

No, we get Taz interrupting just before Brooke and Bully are pronounced man and wife. Big reveal, folks: Taz is in Aces & Eights, apparently because he likes leather vests. The rest of the Sons of Anarchy attacked because they’re still upset about Opie getting killed in prison. Or something like that. They beat down Bully, his not-so-extreme groomsmen and the Hulkster, who looked like he belonged in a Life Alert commercial.

Luke Gallows and Mike Knox grabbed Brooke Hogan, with Gallows screaming at her to “look at your daddy.” This was totally creepy because a) Brooke’s boobs were falling out and b) the Hulkster probably paid for said boobies. There may have been a moment when the Hulkster channeled Brad Pitt in Kalifornia and told Brooke to “put your titty back up.” Or the Hulkster kayfabed it, brothers. (The Wrestling Observer says Hulk told Brooke to “Check on Bully.” Her reply: “My boob’s out.”)

What are we left with? Taz, the newest member of TNA’s baddest heel faction, can’t wrestle or bump. There isn’t anyone on the TNA roster who could fill that role and have those two key abilities? No? OK, sure, whatever. This angle needs to end.

King Kong Bundy to be inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame?: January 13, 2013

King Kong Bundy is hinting that he could be the second member of WWE’s 2013 Hall of Fame class.

“Sounds like someone listened to the #Bundyholics regarding my Hall of Fame,” the monstrous heel who battled Hulk Hogan in a steel cage at WrestleMania 2 wrote on Twitter. “Huge announcement tomorrow night #FIVE.”

Guess we’ll find out tomorrow on Raw.

Hulk Hogan’s New Year’s Eve beach bash: December 31, 2012

Came across this ad for the Hulkster’s restaurant while flipping through a Tampa alt-weekly. For Hulk’s sake, I hope he doesn’t have a financial stake in this venture.

CM Punk survives the Survivor Series: November 18, 2012

Punk has now been champion for 365 days. He just passed Hulk Hogan for the third-longest WWE Championship reign of the last 25 years.

Next up, “Macho Man” Randy Savage’s 371-day run and John Cena’s 380-day reign.

The Gobbledy Gooker and Hulk Hogan’s “fist helmet” “war bonnet” featured in the latest Are You Serious?: November 18, 2012

The worst president in wrestling history: November 6, 2012

Former WWF President Jack Tunney has to go down as the worst commander in chief in history for one reason: He denied wrestling fans a Hulk Hogan-Ultimate Warrior WrestleMania VI rematch.

Devil’s advocate: After seeing the Hogan-Warrior rematch years later at Halloween Havoc in WCW, Tunney may have been on to something.

Ryback and John Cena vs. CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler in the Raw main event: November 5, 2012

Wonder if we’ll see Cena and Punk re-enact the Warrior-Hogan accidental clothesline spot.

WWE releasing New World Order retrospective DVD: November 6, 2012

Really looking forward to this one. I bought nWo: Back in Black and I’m sure I’ll buy this one too.

Hulk Hogan portrait spotted in a Brooklyn bar: October 2012

Sent to me by a friend who has a knack for spotting wrestling references in the oddest places.

Imagining Hulk Hogan explaining the Aces & Eights reveal during TNA’s booking meeting for Bound for Glory: October 14, 2012

“Here’s the plan for Aces & Eights, brother. They beat the hell out of Sting and Bully, win the match, then my music hits. 

“I come down the ramp, brother, moving as slow as possible. One by one, I punch the Aces. And by one, I mean one punch brother. Knock ‘em all out, leaving one of the Aces in the ring.

“I block the punch, and send him in the ropes for the big boot, even through I can’t get my leg above his lower abdomen, brother.

“Then we unmask the guy to reveal … Devon.”

“Great idea, Hulkster.” — Dixie Carter

“You’re a creative genius, Hulk.” — Eric Bischoff

“Here’s the kicker, dudes. Devon will pretend his contract’s up, and he’ll leave the company without dropping the TV Title. Really, who gives a shit about the TV Title? I’ll talk him up on Twitter, bros. Pretend like we’ve made a big mistake by letting the dude go.”

“Brilliant!” — Bruce Pritchard.

“This will all build to …”

Hulk not having a match with Aces & Eights. Seriously. Sting and Bully get beat up by Aces only to have old crippled Hulk Hogan come out and kill the group dead — if it wasn’t already — by punching each member once. This is late ’90s WCW all over again. Build to a match that isn’t ever going to happen. TNA must hate making money.

Jeremy Borash, Mike Tenay, Lex Luger, Sting, Dixie Carter, AJ Styles and Hulk Hogan at the TNA Hall of Fame ceremony: October 13, 2012

Aces & Eights kidnap Hulk Hogan and Sting: September 27, 2012

And the winner of worst angle of 2012 is …

Outrageously priced vintage wrestling item of the week: 1985 Hulk Hogan Rock N Wrestling backpack

When I started kindergarten, I had a He-Man backpack just like this Hulk Hogan Rock N Wrestling bag. The seller is asking $100 or best offer on eBay, but four offers have already been rejected. So it may not be an easy get.

The Hulkster’s embossed, fu-manchu-ed face isn’t worth a Benjamin.

TNA’s Turning Point pay-per-view poster leaves no doubt that Aces & Eights is a rip off of Sons of Anarchy: October 1, 2012

Except Sons is an enjoyable show. The Aces & Eights angle left the rails last week with the biker gang kidnapping Sting and Hulk Hogan (not to mention, threatening people with knives). My suspension of disbelief was totally lost. No one bothered to call the cops? No one bothered to call them after a week of Joseph Park being kidnapped?

Also … why would the company promote a group of “outsiders” on its poster if they don’t work for TNA? Especially before we know the result of Bound for Glory’s match? I thought Dave Lagana and Bruce Prichard were supposed to help the stories make sense, not completely leave reality.

King Mo debuts in TNA this Thursday on Impact: October 4, 2012

TNA should have hyped him more because 99 percent of the audience — like me — has little to no idea of who this guy is.